To an Understanding
by circleofstars
Summary: Max pushed Alec away, afraid of her feelings. But when an act of neglect ends in disaster, she is forced to be honest with herself.


_A/N: __This is my first attempt at Dark Angel fiction: all my previous writing has been for Supernatural. I've read enough on this site to be aware of a division in the DA fics, though, so I'll make my intentions clear. I _love_ Alec, and Logan, I can pretty much take him or leave him. I'll try to keep everybody true to character, but I guess it's likely that the way I write them will be influenced by my personal perceptions of them. _

_The plot isn't wildly original, but I hope you enjoy. Any comments or criticism you have will be much appreciated._

- - - - - -

Thunderous knocking filtered into Alec's misty consciousness, and he rolled over with a groan. He only knew one person who habitually interrupted his sleep at – he squinted at the digital clock on the nightstand – at three in the morning. He would have loved to ignore her, just once, to let her go find someone else to bully and criticise into doing her bidding. But, he realised, staggering wearily to his feet, he never would: he was all hers, whether he liked it or not.

Sure enough, when he peered reluctantly around the door edge, Max's face greeted him, radiating impossible beauty and sour impatience somehow at the same time. 'Hey,' he mumbled, unenthusiastically. He turned away from the door, knowing that she would follow him in. He perched on the back of his couch and blinked at her, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes, offering a diluted version of his trademark smirk. 'What can I do for you?'

'I need you to do a job with me,' she said bluntly, striding into the room. She met his eyes determinedly.

Alec grimaced at her. 'Now?' he whined. 'Don't you need your beauty sleep, Maxie?'

'No,' she replied shortly.

'You sure? 'Cause you're starting to look a little rough round the edges…'

'Shut up, Alec. You going to help me or not?'

He sighed. She knew he was going to cave. _He_ knew he was going to cave. There really was no point in argument – but then, with Alec, there was always argument anyway.

'Well… you going to tell me what's so important that you launch an attack on my door in the middle of the night?'

'Not if I can help it.'

'So, you want me to help, and you're not even telling me what I'm helping with?'

'Yeah, pretty much,' she replied, turning a confrontational look on him.

He stood up abruptly, turning away. 'Sorry, Max, I need to sleep, gotta go to work tomorrow…'

She muttered some angry insult and stalked after him across the room. 'Have it your way, Alec. I'll go by myself.'

So, she knew how to antagonise him, too. 'What, are you crazy? Something could go wrong.'

'Yeah, and you'd be a whole lot of help if it did, as usual.'

_Ouch._ He glared at her. 'What's the job, Max?' he demanded evenly.

'Logan needs us to pick something up.'

'Something? Could you be a little vaguer, please, Max?'

'Something important,' she snapped.

'Well, if _Logan_ commands, we lesser mortals must obey.'

'Shut up, Alec.'

'That your catchphrase, Max?'

She threw a pillow at him, snatching the nearest thing at hand to lash out when he left her without a comeback. It was an angry action but he laughed, catching the missile in front of his face. Her impulse was to be angry with him for inappropriate merriment, but his laughter was too infectious. He threw the pillow back, and she ducked, a smile coming unbidden to her face.

'It's the cure,' she said quietly, into a sudden silence. 'At least, Logan thinks it is.'

Alec faltered into silence. It made sense now, and he did understand, he really did, but he was tired, and he was pissed – pissed at Max for trying to control him, pissed at himself for being so damn easy. He knew exactly how much the mythical cure meant to Max, but some guilty part of him, buried in denial, didn't want her to find it. He couldn't resist another dig.

'Oh, right. I should have guessed this is all about facilitating your _non-relationship_ with roller boy… Anything else I can do for you Maxie? I could go out and buy you some protection? Maybe some Viagra for Logan?'

She glared at him, seething. 'You know what? I don't even need your help,' she told him, through gritted teeth, spinning on her heel, striding toward the still-open door. 'Just forget it, Alec.'

With an exasperated growl, he blurred round her and blocked her exit. 'You wouldn't be here if you didn't need my help,' he told her, his voice softening slightly.

She wilted, meeting his eyes. There was some other conflict behind her eyes which he couldn't work out, but it seemed to have drained her energy, all of a sudden. 'Are you going to help me, or not?' she asked quietly.

In the end, he didn't even need to answer.

- - - - - -

It amazed Max, the way circular arguments with Alec could push her through amusement to anger to a sudden, startling sense of mutual understanding so quickly. Spending time with him was always intense, and usually infuriating. Most of all, he made her uncomfortable.

When Logan had suggested that someone help her retrieve the cure, she'd thought of Alec immediately, and a doubt had flickered in her mind – at the thought of Alec, she had wondered whether the cure was really worth the effort. The doubt had scared her, and she had pushed Alec to the back of her mind.

She loved Logan, of course. Logan was constant, and reliable, and caring, and noble…

Even as the litany repeated itself in her mind, she realised the emptiness of the words, compared to words she might apply to…

She stopped herself. She refused to compare Logan to Alec.

- - - - - -

Max slipped into the dimly lit storeroom, and Alec followed her, pushing the door closed gently, noiselessly behind him.

'Where do we look?' he whispered.

Max ignored him, raising a finger to her lips and padding across the room to a particular cabinet, described to her by Logan in minute detail. Within seconds, she could see it: a narrow glass vial, filled with clear liquid. There it was, the cure to all her problems... She felt nothing. Purposefully, she reminded herself of the implications of finding this tiny bottle, but still, the world wouldn't move.

Alec shifted impatiently behind her. 'Got it?' he hissed.

'Yeah,' she replied, showing him, and quickly storing it deep in her coat, safely out of the way if they ran into any trouble on the way out.

'That was easy,' Alec commented, surprised.

Max quirked an eyebrow at him. 'Too easy,' she answered, smiling briefly, before she caught herself.

'You watch too much TV, Max,' he muttered. She ignored the remark. Somehow, it seemed a betrayal of Logan to even laugh at Alec's jibes.

'Let's go,' was her only reply.

He sighed, and followed her.

- - - - - -

As it turned out, 'too easy' was about right. They had only turned a few corners, retracing their steps back to the doorway onto the roof, when they found their path blocked ahead, and, turning, behind, by figures who moved too fluidly to be entirely ordinary… no security guards, these.

Max swore under her breath.

'They must have known Logan would work it out and send you here…' Alec muttered, and Max nodded tightly.

'We need to incapacitate them and get away, as quickly as possible. This isn't the time to engage in war on Familiars,' she murmured. Alec nodded, wondering wryly at her hurry, and at her assumption that he would want to battle them.

'No argument here,' he said, realising the irony of it as the words left his lips.

- - - - - -

They had guns, of course, but transgenic speed quickly closed the distance, disarming the two familiars at one end of the corridor and using the momentum to force them around the corner out of range of the other two. The speed of the attack seemed to take the Familiars off guard, and Max slammed the first one's head against a wall with all the strength she could muster. It probably helped that she was already on edge, alive with frustration and confusion, lending her anger to direct at her opponent.

Alec engaged the other in a vicious, rapid exchange of blows, matching kick for punch until an opening in the Familiar's defences allowed him to get a comprehensive blow in to the head. Another followed it, and the figure collapsed.

He spun around to find the other two Familiars hurtling towards him – the first was upon him before he had time to react, before he had time to notice the knife in its hand. His eyes went wide as he felt a hot stripe tear itself across his midsection, but his training quickly took over, pushing the pain away. It was a useful trick, but one he would pay for when his concentration ran out and the full impact hit him at once.

The fight resolved itself quickly: Max ended Alec's battle by bringing down a heavy fire extinguisher on his opponent's head.

For a few seconds, they stood, panting. Max gestured at the red smudge on Alec's shirt.

'You alright?' she asked, her voice a little harsher than she had intended it to be.

'Always,' he smirked. It didn't seem serious. Max frowned, and he reassured her. 'It's just a scratch.' He was faintly offended at how quickly she accepted this.

She nodded, and started walking, and he took a step to follow her, and suddenly fiery agony lighted up in his stomach. One hand flew automatically to the wound, and with the movement, blood seemed startled out to soak his palm.

'Ouch,' he said, his voice a little hoarse, trying to ride out the pain.

She glanced back, shaking her head at him.

- - - - - -

She was already turning away, in a blind hurry, running on ahead of him secure in the belief that _Alec was always alright_. Maybe, he thought bitterly, maybe he'd told her that one too many times, because right now he needed her to stop, to turn, to understand, but she was already leaving. He watched her retreating back through quickly blurring eyes, clinging with white, tense fingers to the doorframe, while the other arm cradled the wound in his stomach.

He'd grunted when the knife broke his skin, but he hadn't realised how deep it was until later. Max had given his stomach a cursory glance; and a shadow of concern – unless his hopeful mind had imagined it – a shadow of concern had crossed her face. The bleeding was minimal in those first moments, though, and her face quickly hardened again.

'Ouch,' he'd said, loudly, indignantly, treating her to his best puppy dog eyes in a light-hearted plea for sympathy.

She'd snorted, spinning away, her hair splaying out as she moved. 'Suck it up, Alec. We don't have time for you to be a drama queen,' she told him sharply. And then she was leaving, and he realised as the first wave of agony washed over him that he couldn't follow.

She was in a hurry, trembling with excitement, the precious spoils of their exploit stored inside her jacket. Too preoccupied to notice that she couldn't hear him behind her. As he watched her leave, to go to _him_, to Logan, he felt a pang of something which might have been jealousy, or then again, it might have been betrayal. And as Max's hurried footsteps faded, another set of steps reached him, strangely magnified against the humming which inexplicably filled his ears. The footsteps were slow and arrogant, the clipped tapping of business shoes rather than the softer thud of boots. Alec had known White would be here somewhere, after the Familiars had jumped him and Max on their way out. He sighed, his angular, whitening fingers slipping on the doorframe.

The arrogant footsteps came to a halt just behind Alec. 'Too bad, 494. Apparently she's more worried about someone else.'

Alec gritted his teeth. He had a powerful desire to swing a punch at the source of the drawling, languid voice, but his hand clinging to the doorframe was the only thing keeping him upright, probably the only thing connecting him to reality at that moment.

Without warning, a boot connected viciously with the back of his knee, and his leg went out from under him, and he landed heavily on his ass, immediately toppling over and curling into himself on his side as the shock jarred him, shooting fiery agony up and down his body. He forgot to breathe for a moment, and when oxygen returned to him, he used his first breath to direct a heartfelt, vicious curse at the man now towering over him.

- - - - - -

Overtaken suddenly by shyness, Max paused at Logan's door and knocked. Somehow, she didn't feel able to just walk in this time. He appeared promptly at the door, looking mildly surprised at her unusual politeness.

'You're right on time,' he greeted her, smiling. She followed him in, chewing her lip. Again, Alec was gnawing at the edges of her mind. They'd stored their bikes separately in case they had to run: leaving in two directions was a good way to throw off pursuers. So, she wouldn't necessarily have seen him leave, and after her abrupt treatment of him, she wouldn't blame him for not bothering to check in with her before going home. He had been tired after all – no doubt from long evenings at Crash.

Still, he preyed on her mind. There was an image haunting her; fleeting as though she'd run past it too quickly to fully absorb. But it seemed to be a figure hunched up against a wall, seen in blurry shapes like the reflection in a dark window. She didn't know where she'd seen it, but every time her mind conjured the image, a pang of guilt and horror tore through her. She forced herself to pay attention to Logan, who was looking at her wide-eyed, as though awaiting the answer to a question.

'Sorry, what?' she asked.

'Did you get it?' he repeated, his excitement barely dimmed by having to repeat himself.

She forced a grin, wondering why her face seemed so reluctant to smile. 'Yeah…' she pulled the vial out of her jacket, noticing as she did so that her hand was shaking.

'D'you take Alec with you?'

'What?' she said sharply, looking up at him.

He frowned at her, surprised at her reaction. 'Just… asking if Alec went with you…'

'Oh… uh, yeah. Yeah, he did.'

'Max, are you okay?'

'Fine, sorry… I guess it's just… a little overwhelming,' she said, knowing as she said it that it was an excuse. The idea of the cure still left her strangely cold.

'Did Alec… say something?' Logan asked. He'd long suspected that Alec was jealous of his relationship with Max, and was surprised that the transgenic had helped Max at all. Still, his opinion seemed to matter to her, and if he'd upset her, Logan wanted to know.

'No,' Max replied abruptly, squirming at the sound of Alec's name. That hunched figure was flashing through her head again. What if he'd been hurt; and she'd left him behind? Maybe she was just being paranoid. But then, why would she worry unnecessarily about _Alec_ of all people? She couldn't stand Alec. Really, she couldn't.

'Let's just forget about Alec, for now, huh?' she said, turning to Logan again with an effort. She held the cure up in a shaking hand.

- - - - - -

Alec placed his scarlet stained palm flat on the cold marble floor stones, and tried to pull his body along, to crawl out of range as White went for another kick. He had no hope of escape, not with such uncooperative limbs, but it was hardwired into his DNA to keep trying long past the last hope. White's sharp leather-clad toe collided with Alec's ribs with crushing force. He choked, curling further in on himself.

When he pried his eyes open, he found White's narrow sadistic eyes and heavy forehead barely a foot away from his face. Alec curled his lip defiantly at the Familiar.

'See, 494, my original plan was that, if I could get hold of one of you, all I'd have to do would be to wait for the other one to embark on an ill-advised rescue mission. In my experience, you super-soldiers can be surprisingly sentimental. But, 452 never ceases to surprise me. Usually, she's all hero-complex and snarky comments. But, apparently, _you're _not worth the effort.'

Alec spat at him, blood mixing with the saliva which dripped off White's face. Snarling, White leaped to his feet and directed another vicious kick at Alec's midsection, eliciting a muffled whimper from the injured X5.

White reached down and seized Alec roughly by the shoulders, heaving him into a sitting position against the wall, then crouching in front of him and meeting his eyes.

'So, if 452's not going to come back here to find you, we're going to have to do this another way. So, I'll ask you nicely: where is she?'

Alec rolled his eyes wearily. He really didn't have the energy for this. 'I don't know,' he croaked, as White knew he would. 'She left me, remember?'

'You do know, 494. And I know you know, so don't play dumb with me.'

A part of Alec would have loved to reply _'And I know you know I know,' _but he lacked the breath to deliver so many words at once, so he swallowed the juvenile response and blinked mutely up at White.

White glared down at Alec impatiently, stretching his neck languidly from side to side. Then his fist shot out, burying itself in Alec's mangled stomach. Alec bit his lip hard to keep from screaming, and drew blood. Eyes pressed closed, he took several ragged breaths, each one aggravating his cracked and burning ribs.

'Where is she, 494? I can do this all night; all day, too, if necessary.'

'No… idea,' Alec choked out.

'_Don't - ,' _White began dangerously.

'Alright, I know… where she'd go… but… I'm not… gonna tell you… so 't doesn't make… much difference…' Alec mumbled. He was fading, he could feel it. His words were vague, somehow detached from reality.

Another kick, and, again, the world went white, imploding in pain. Alec wished he would just pass out, but his body didn't seem to be co-operating.

'Where is she?' White repeated. Alec thought of a skipping record, jittering out the same snap of noise over and over again.

'She's gone to the… fucking seaside…' he spat.

A kick connected with his shoulder, and Alec was pretty sure it was pushed out of joint. He tensed, trying to breathe through the pain, but it overwhelmed him. Breathing never seemed so difficult before.

White sighed, and tried again.

- - - - - -

Their eyes met, and for a long moment both waited, holding their breath. Max didn't feel any different, not really. And she found herself uncomfortable under Logan's scrutiny, and blinked away. After conditioning herself not to let him touch her for so long, she wasn't even sure that she wanted him to any more. She shuddered, suddenly cold.

She forced her eyes to meet Logan's, forced her lips to curve up. He was frowning slightly, concerned. He knew something was wrong, but, ever sensitive, he was letting her tell him in her own time. Her treacherous mind asked, is _sensitive_ really what I want any more? Spending time with Logan had become so… easy, comfortable… dull. Whereas, when she was with Alec…

When she was with Alec, her emotions flared in every direction at once. At the thought of him, the same image flashed into her mind again. At the thought of Alec in pain, her chest seized up, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Again, she shut down the thought, turned back to Logan. She couldn't understand why it was so difficult to concentrate. His tentative hand was halfway to her face, and she tried hard not to tremble at his gentle touch.

Her pager buzzed loudly, breaking the moment, and Max was surprised to feel relief.

'Who is it?' Logan asked, an edge of annoyance seeping in to his voice for the first time.

It was Sketchy. Max didn't have the faintest idea what he could be calling about, but she was grateful for the distraction. 'Sorry, Logan… I need to call…' He nodded. For some reason, it irritated her. Why was he always so _understanding? _She'd almost be grateful to see him being unreasonable.

She wandered into the neighbouring room and borrowed Logan's phone. 'What is it?' she demanded when Sketchy picked up.

'Oh… hi, Max…' he faltered awkwardly at her confrontational tone.

'What is it, Sketch?'

'I… was just wondering whether you'd seen Alec. He was supposed to pick me up for work this morning but… he's late.' Max looked up at the sunlight beaming in through the window and realised for the first time that it was morning.

'You're calling me because Alec's late?'

'Well… very late.'

Anxiety and guilt were gnawing at her stomach again, painfully. She hadn't been deluding herself. Alec hadn't made it out, and she'd been so wrapped up in her own problems, she'd left him hurt and alone, at the Familiars' mercy.

'Bye, Sketchy,' she said absently, ignoring his continued babbling, hanging up on him.

Logan had appeared in the doorway, confused, questioning her with his eyes. 'What's up?'

'Alec's missing.'

'Missing?'

'He was supposed to pick Sketchy up…'

'Max… it's a little early to worry. I mean, Alec's not exactly the most reliable person we know. He's not even in the top ten.'

She frowned at the comment, lurching to her feet. 'I have to check… if he's in trouble…'

'It wouldn't be the first time,' Logan cut in.

'No, I mean…' She didn't want to tell Logan that she thought she'd left him behind. She shook her head mutely. 'Sorry, I gotta go…'

And she hurried out of the apartment, leaving him staring after her, with a rare flicker of real anger burning in his eyes.

- - - - - -

Max's stomach tightened when she pulled up and saw Alec's motorcycle still stashed in the same place they had left it earlier that morning. It confirmed the fear which had been preying on her mind since leaving: Alec hadn't made it out. Trembling in anticipation at what she would find, she started climbing the fire escape.

When she finally allowed herself to worry about Alec, the magnitude of her concern shocked her. She felt like she would lose herself in all the terrible possibilities which played through her head like a painfully vivid movie.

Life without Alec, she realised, would be bleak. She needed someone to make her laugh, she needed someone to vent her frustration at, someone to watch her back during missions. Hell, she needed someone uncowed by her temper to argue with. It occurred to her that he knew this, and that he riled her up on purpose because it was what she needed; to cut loose.

Moving furtively along familiar corridors, Max retraced her steps toward the place where she had last seen Alec – the site of the battle with the familiars.

She came up to the corner and found herself faced with the window in which she had seen Alec's reflection as she ran away. It was harder to see reflections in it now, the overcast sky outside was clearly visible through the murky glass. But a faint shape could be seen, or rather, two shapes. One, slumped against the wall, the other towering over him. It could only be –

White. She heard him roar with frustration, and then a soft, organic thud as he lashed out, echoed by a choked, breathy whimper. _Alec._ Her heart beat so loud, she was sure White must hear it.

Watching the reflection, she realised suddenly that Alec's face was turned towards her, she could see his pale, blood spattered face, and the feverish glint in his eyes. Even in the faint outline visible in the window, she could see the surprise in his face. He'd seen her.

She heard the tapping of shoes on floor tiles as White staggered back again, panting slightly as he moved away from Alec. 'One more time, 494. Where is she?'

Alec turned his head back to White, and Max shifted forwards, seeking the right moment. 'She's on vacation,' Alec muttered savagely.

White growled. '_Where?'_ he repeated.

'Fucking Norway,' Alec ad-libbed. Max snorted, despite herself, shaking her head at his delirium, striding quickly round the corner.

'She got back early,' she announced, as White turned to glare at her. 'From… Norway,' she added, shooting a wry glance at Alec, who shrugged.

'Back so soon, 452?' White snarled, stalking towards her.

'Miss me?' she asked, smirking at him in near-perfect imitation of Alec.

He growled, and lashed out with a fist – she caught his wrist before the punch could connect and pulled, yanking him into collision with her waiting fist. He grunted, winded, as the punch met his stomach, but recovered quickly, bringing his head up to meet her chin, disorienting her enough to get in two rapid kicks. She dodged the third, though, and blurred around him, elbowing the Familiar viciously in the head.

Alec blinked, trying to clear his vision, to reconnect with the world so that he could be of some help to Max. He managed to shift slightly against the wall. Standing up was going to be a bitch, though. As the fight progressed, it was clear that White was gaining the upper hand: of all the Familiars, he was the only one who knew the transgenic way of fighting well enough to anticipate moves.

Max's breath left her in a rush as White slammed the length of her body forcibly into the wall. She struggled to get up in time before he was back again, aiming a series of blows at her head, too fast for her to catch or dodge them all. She could feel herself weakening. His hand slipped in under her defences, and grasped her throat. She tried to gasp, but the obstruction in her throat prevented the air in her mouth from feeding her lungs. Her chest burned, starved of oxygen.

White's smug glare blurred and swayed in front of her, and then abruptly disappeared. She drew a ragged breath before she even realised that he'd released her. She blinked in confusion, trying to focus her eyes.

White was unconscious at her feet. A loud clang echoed up and down the corridor as Alec dropped the fire extinguisher he'd been holding. He met her eyes, looking vaguely surprised at his own success, and then his knees gave way. Max surged forward in time to support him before he hit the ground.

She staggered under his weight slightly as he slumped against her, and carefully manoeveured him back onto the floor, both of them breathing heavily.

'You alright, Alec?' she asked him breathlessly when he was once again sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. _Stupid question_, she told herself, casting an increasingly frantic eye over Alec's collection of bruises and the glossy black fabric of his shirt – soaked with blood.

'You ditched me, Maxie,' he said, breath catching slightly in his throat.

Max nodded, refusing to meet his eyes. 'I'm so sorry…' she murmured, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. She was about ready to tear herself apart with guilt.

Alec brushed a shaky hand against her chin, pushing it up to make her look at him. 'It's okay,' he murmured. 'I get it…'

'You do?' he asked. She sounded almost shy, she realised with surprise. She met his green gaze hesitantly, not sure whether she was afraid of seeing blame in his eyes, or afraid of seeing forgiveness.

For a few moments, they were still. A muted groan from White brought them back to reality. 'We need to get out of here,' Alec commented quietly, shifting painfully in preparation for standing up.

Max nodded distractedly, glancing at White, who seemed to be still unconscious for the moment. 'My bike's parked out front.'

Alec glanced at the window. 'S'broad daylight. We might have to… take the… less scenic route…'

Max grimaced reluctantly at the bright window, wishing it would fade to black. She emphatically did not want to leave her bike here. On the other hand, Alec was right, and with him in the state he was, they didn't have a chance of slipping away unnoticed on the motorcycle. However, taking the sewers meant walking, and they'd have to walk a long way to safety, and she wasn't sure whether Alec could walk at all.

'Can you walk?' she asked him bluntly.

'One step at a time… let's see if I can stand up.' He hooked an arm round her shoulders and leaned his weight against her while he scrambled to get his feet underneath him. She stood slowly, trying to let him move at a pace which his wounds would tolerate, but watching him out of the corner of her eye, she saw that his jaw was tensed with pain.

'Okay?' she said doubtfully, once they were upright.

'So far so good,' he replied, choking out the words quickly, as if short of breath.

'We can get into the sewers from the basement,' Max muttered, remembering her study of the building plans the previous evening.

'Fantastic. You know… how much I… love the sewers.'

'Hell, yeah. You fit right in,' she said, attempting humour because she needed to distract him, somehow, from the effort it took him to draw breath.

'Ouch,' he said, and she didn't know whether he meant the barb or the massive freaking wound in his stomach.

There was a short silence as they staggered down the hallway, clinging to each other like drunken teenagers. Max searched for something, _anything_ to say to drown out the sound of Alec trying not to cry out in pain. It hurt that he was trying to protect her from his suffering, even now.

'So, uh… why Norway?' she asked, recalling his random comment to White.

'Well… that was about the fortieth time he'd asked… I was… running out of ideas,' he told her.

Another pang of guilt wracked her, and she felt almost physically sick. How long had Alec been enduring that _conversation_ with White? While Max had been standing awkwardly, suddenly a stranger in her supposed lover's apartment.

'It's okay,' he said quietly, and she glanced sideways at his face. He was pale, his jaw tensed in deep concentration as he struggled to breathe and walk at the same time. It frightened her that he could read her so easily. It occurred to her that the way he made her uncomfortable was linked to this uncanny ability to know her thoughts: she couldn't fool him, they were too much alike. And it made her feel vulnerable, stripped of any façade or deception.

'What are you doing… back here, anyway?' Alec whispered, making valiant efforts to keep up easy banter as usual. 'Shouldn't you be… having hot monkey sex… with lover boy?'

She turned a mock frown on him. 'Remind me to kick your ass for that one when you're feeling better.'

'Yeah, right…' He put on a high-pitched, mocking voice. 'Please, Maxie… please kick my ass.'

'Exactly. We both know you deserve it.'

He choked a short laugh. 'Maybe,' he began, but the word caught in his throat, and he lapsed into silence. 'Thanks for coming back… despite… I appreciate it,' he murmured, so quiet that an ordinary human wouldn't have heard it.

'I'm so sorry I left you, Alec,' she replied, just as quiet, the words leaving her in a rush.

He didn't answer; too preoccupied with struggling down the steps into the sewers.

'How'd it go with Logan?' he asked, once they re-established the painful rhythm of steps, Alec leaning heavily against Max.

She swallowed. In a previous time, she would have told him sharply to mind his own business. But, she owed him some honesty, and more than that, she needed to be honest with herself. 'Not so well… I don't know. After all this time, conditioning myself not to let him touch me…' Her voice cracked, but she pushed on, determined. 'I'm not even sure I want him to anymore.'

She steeled herself to take a rebuke from him, certain that she deserved any harsh words he had to offer.

'I'm sorry,' he lied quietly.

She swallowed hard. She couldn't think of any response to that.

It was a long walk, among the longest Max had ever endured, every step punctuated with Alec's carefully suppressed moans. She couldn't take him to a hospital; White would be up and searching for them soon, and it was too risky. She couldn't face going back to Logan's. Joshua's house was the closest, and it seemed somehow appropriate. It was a safe place, a haven of safety which belonged exclusively to Joshua, Alec and Max.

They reached the ladder which would bring them up in Joshua's back yard, and Max propped Alec carefully against the wall while she went up to open the manhole. She returned to help, and saw his eyes closed, his body limp against the wall.

'Alec!' she yelled at him. 'Come on, get up. One more time. It's not far now.'

'You said that… last time,' he murmured, barely moving his lips. His hands scrabbled weakly as he tried to push himself up despite the complaint, and fell back.

'This time I'm not lying,' she promised, with a high-pitched, desperate laugh.

'Come on!' she repeated, seizing him by the shoulders and trying to lever him up. Her own ribs screamed, bruised from her duel with White, and she lowered him back down with a strangled sob. 'Help me, Alec. Please, you're stronger than this.'

'Not this time…'

She looked up and down the echoing tunnel in desperation. She could run and fetch Joshua, who would easily carry Alec up the ladder and into the house. But she was terrified that they would return and be unable to wake him. She could see him hovering on the edge of death, and it was clear that there was little fight left in him. He was trembling, his greyish eyelids veiling his eyes.

She threw back her head and yelled. 'Joshua! _Joshua! Help!'_

Alec blinked at her; even such a powerful cry sounded distant and muted now.

Joshua's charming, ugly head had never been more beautiful. The earnest curiosity in his eyes turned quickly cold at the sight of Alec, and he made a small, frightened snorting noise.

'Max…' he blurted, landing clumsily beside her in the sewer tunnel.

'Hey, Joshua,' she greeted him softly. She couldn't find the right words to describe the situation to him, so she gestured wordlessly, helplessly, at Alec's inert form.

'Alec…' Joshua grunted, taking a hesitant step forward and then stopping, turning a desperate look on Max.

'He's still alive. But… we need your help…'

Joshua nodded earnestly, stumbling to his knees beside Alec and reaching around him carefully. Alec shifted and groaned when Joshua lifted him, but didn't open his eyes.

Max followed them up the ladder and across the yard into the house, a terrible helpless cage closing around her chest, so tight she could barely breathe. There was no getting away from it: if Alec died now, it would be her fault, and she would be lost without him; she cared for him much more than she'd expected to.

Joshua set Alec's limp body down painstakingly on the couch, his wide, expressive eyes simmering with concern and horror at the blood soaking his friend's clothes. Despite Joshua's efforts to be gentle, Alec's eyes shot open at the jolt as he was set down, and he blinked rapidly, taking in the shocked expression on the transhuman's face.

'Hey, Josh,' he said, attempting a jovial tone, achieving a bare whisper.

Joshua's eyes met his seriously; he looked almost angry. 'Alec should take better care of himself,' the dog-man observed quietly.

'You… might have a point there…'

Joshua turned his face away, but Alec felt a hot tear land on his hand where the dog-man was bent over him. 'Josh -,' he began sharply, coughing as the words caught in his blood-filled throat. Joshua glanced up and met his eyes. 'I'll be fine,' he promised.

Joshua nodded, but he didn't look convinced. Max broke the moment, gently ushering Joshua aside as she knelt beside Alec. 'He's still bleeding,' she murmured, peeling back the saturated shirts which obscured the wound. 'I'm going to put pressure on it… he can't afford to lose any more blood…'

'_He's_ right here,' Alec objected quietly. Max ignored him, purposefully avoiding his eyes as she positioned her hands over the wound and pushed down with all her weight. Alec let out a wordless yell, screwing his eyes up tightly and tensing every muscle in an effort to push the pain away, arching violently against her hands.

Max steeled herself against Alec's pain, resolutely pressing down on the wound.

Alec's phone buzzed intrusively from somewhere deep within his jacket. Max glanced up at Joshua, nodding towards the sound; keeping her hands pressed firmly on the bloody hole. Alec squirmed weakly beneath her touch.

Joshua dug out the phone carefully, as reluctant to jostle Alec as if he were made of glass. Eventually, he picked it up, grunting a cursory, distracted greeting into it without taking his eyes off his injured friend's clammy face.

Max looked up as a tinny reply crackled out of the phone.

'Logan?' Joshua huffed, casting an uncertain look at Max.

'_Is Max with you?' _Logan sounded impatient, exasperated.

Joshua gave another non-committal grunt, looking to Max for approval; she was impressed by his unerring loyalty, protecting her even from her supposed lover. Max sighed.

'Here… can you take over with this?'

She shifted aside and waited for Joshua to place his hands over hers before she slipped them free. Alec groaned softly as Joshua pressed down, but seemed to lack the energy for a stronger reaction. Max picked up the phone, which was crackling indignantly on the table. She brushed a dark strand out of her eyes, grimacing as her slick hands left a smudge of Alec's blood on her cheekbone.

'Logan? I'm sorry I left so suddenly, I had to…'

'_I take it you found Alec?' _He sounded bitter. She swallowed, hard.

'Yes.'

'_You're at Joshua's?'_

'Yes… Look, I-.'

'_Are you coming back here?'_

'I can't. No, listen, it's Alec. He's hurt- it's my fault.' The last words came out as a whisper, but Joshua had transgenic hearing, too. She heard the quick movement as he looked up at her; felt his horrified, disbelieving eyes on the back of her head. She didn't dare turn around.

'_I'm sure he'll be alright, Max,' _Logan said. It seemed a half-hearted effort at comfort.

'Do… do you know any first aid? Or, have any supplies we could use? I…' She hesitated, unwilling to admit just how helpless she was feeling. 'I don't know what to do,' she whispered weakly into the phone.

Logan's first aid knowledge was limited, but it was better than Max's or Joshua's, and he could think of no medics currently available who would treat a transgenic. He kept a well-stocked first aid kit in his apartment; a fact Max knew, having taken advantage of it on numerous occasions. He agreed to come; however angry he was at Alec for pulling Max away from him at the crucial moment, he could never resist her when she asked for help. In any case, they were cured now; Alec's feelings for Max, whatever their nature, shouldn't be a threat to Logan any more.

Closing the phone, Max returned to Alec's side. 'Logan's on his way,' she murmured. 'He'll help… just, hold on.' She felt Joshua's eyes on her, full of disbelief, innocent confusion. Suddenly, she couldn't bear it any more. 'I'm going to wash my hands,' she announced abruptly, leaving the room.

Even in the kitchen, scrubbing semi-hysterically at the blood on her hands, she could hear the muted conversation between her two friends. She wished that her keen senses, just this once, could be as dull as a human's.

'Alec?' Joshua asked hesitantly. 'Really Max's fault?'

'No,' Alec answered quickly.

'Then…'

'You know… what she's like. Weight of the world…'

'Little fella' wouldn't hurt Alec…' There was still some doubt in his voice.

'Not… unless I… deserved it…'

'Alec deserved it?' Joshua sounded confused.

'No!' Alec choked on the force of his reply, and for a few moments Max could only hear his painful coughing and Joshua's soothing murmuring. After the fit had subsided, Alec sounded, if possible, weaker than before. 'No. Well, maybe,' he amended, remembering some of the things he'd said to Max when she'd initially proposed the mission. 'But this was White… well, White and friends. Max saved me.'

Max re-entered the room, desperate to interrupt their conversation. Joshua looked up at her, looking reassured. 'Little fella didn't know White would be there,' he told her firmly.

She forced a feeble smile, and nodded.

The silence was broken by the sound of Logan's ancient car pulling up in front of the house.

Max turned wordlessly and went to open the door for Logan. He was standing on the step with a duffel bag slung over one shoulder, his mouth set in a determined line. His eyes widened at the blood staining her left side.

'Are you alright?' he gasped out.

She shook her head, swallowing the grief which was swelling in her throat. 'It's all Alec's.'

Logan gave her a tight, relieved smile and shouldered past her into the house, a lot calmer now he knew she was unhurt.

'Nice day for kitchen table surgery,' he commented, by way of greeting.

'I hope it won't come to that,' Max replied tensely.

It didn't look far off, Logan reflected, pausing in the doorway to absorb the sight of Alec sprawled on the couch, deathly pale, bruised and soaked in a frightening excess of blood; Joshua hovering like a devoted relative over his deathbed. Max entered the room after him, catching the remnants of a strange expression on Logan's face; perhaps she had imagined it, but he'd looked vindictive, satisfied.

'Can you help?' she demanded anxiously.

Logan blinked out of his reverie. 'I know enough to clean the wound and stitch him up. I can't make you any promises, though, Max. Honestly… he doesn't look good…' The apology in his eyes was genuine; Max was sure she'd been mistaken before. 'He's lost a lot of blood,' Logan added, feeling the understatement in his words as he voiced them.

Max shuddered, thinking of the blood Alec had left on the floor of the laboratory, and the scarlet trail which had followed them through the sewers, the blood she'd washed from her hands, the blood soaking Alec, and Joshua, the couch and the floor… It was too much, far too much, even for an X5.

'I can give him blood,' she stated determinedly.

Logan seemed on the verge of protest, but he bit back the words, and nodded. 'Go, rest. I'll call you when he's ready for a transfusion.'

Max hesitated, seized by an inexplicable distrust of Logan where it came to Alec. Joshua looked uncertain, too; there was a hint of a frown in his big, liquid eyes. Meeting Logan's eyes briefly, Max forced her doubts away.

'C'mon big fella,' she murmured, retreating to the kitchen again. Joshua followed obediently.

She slumped, exhausted, at the kitchen table, cradling her chin miserably in her hands.

'Little fella alright?'

She pressed her fingers against her heavy eyelids and sighed. 'Just tell me he'll be ok…' she pleaded.

She felt Joshua's heavy arms settle around her shoulders. 'Alec strong. Made to fight,' Joshua comforted her, choosing his words carefully: he never lied if he could avoid it, and he didn't make false promises either, and he was terribly afraid for his friend.

'It's my fault… I know he told you it's not. But… I left him, Joshua. He was hurt, and I was so wrapped up in my issues, I just left; left him at White's mercy. I didn't even _notice_ -.' Her voice broke, and she sobbed loudly in the quiet kitchen.

'But Max went back,' Joshua said. He was surprised at her, though, and a little disappointed.

'And all for the _cure_,' Max went on. Her indifference towards this prize had soured into resentment in the aftermath of the disastrous mission.

'Max cured? Max and Logan…' Joshua began, in a weak attempt to cheer her up.

'Yeah,' she said, without enthusiasm. 'Yeah, it's great.' She couldn't inject any energy into her voice. The was a long silence. Joshua took a deep breath.

'You love Alec,' he blurted.

She stared at him. She gotten used to Joshua's characteristic use of the third person; he almost never addressed her, or anyone, directly, and the rare statement seemed emboldened, emphasised by this stragneness. She gaped, wordlessly. Quite literally, without words. Hearing it like that, so simply, she knew suddenly that it was true. Her instinct was to dodge it with scornful denials, even with a profession of brotherly love, but the words died in her throat. She loved Alec; he brought her to life unlike any other, he understood her thoroughly, he was beautiful and vibrant, flawed and heroic. She loved him. _Only_ him…

And he was bleeding out in the next room, because she'd pushed him away so hard she could barely see him at all.

She sobbed brokenly into Joshua's shoulder.

- - - - - -

Alec squinted vaguely up at Logan, barely acknowledging his presence. His eyes drifted closed, and he muttered something which sounded suspiciously like 'Max.' Logan scowled. Despite his dislike of Alec, he was determined to be the better man: if it came to a contest between the two of them, Logan couldn't beat Alec if the latter was dead.

Pulling the medical supplies out of his duffel, Logan set to work on the wound, wiping at the surrounding bloodstains with a rag soaked in alcohol, revealing inflamed, bruised skin surrounding the jagged tear. Alec hissed quietly as the alcohol made contact, but, despite his resolve to be the nobler man, Logan couldn't summon any sympathy for his X5 nemesis.

When the area surrounding the wound was more or less clean, Logan stitched the tear closed, pulling roughly at the edges of it and forcing them back together before piercing the skin with a needle and dragging the thread through. Alec, oscillating between awareness and oblivion, was silent throughout the cruel process, evidently residing on one of the deeper levels of dreamland.

He shifted uncomfortably as Logan was tying the stitches off, though, and he gasped, eyes snapping open, as the journalist yanked on the ends of the thread to make the knot.

'_Jesus,' _Alec wheezed.

'Hey, Alec,' Logan greeted him through gritted teeth, without looking up.

Alec frowned, blinking. He groaned incoherently. 'Where's – Max?' he coughed out.

'Resting,' Logan told him sternly. 'She's exhausted. She had to go back to that laboratory for you, Alec. I understand the place was crawling with Familiars…'

Alec was angry: Logan's rebuke was spectacularly unfair. 'You sent us… there, lover boy,' Alec spat, breathing heavily. He was exhausted, his stomach was excruciating, Logan was the last person he wanted to see, and he wasn't in the mood for a dressing down. On the other hand, he was in no fit state to be losing his temper. 'It was your… bad planning… you wanted the… damn cure so bad, should have – argh – picked it up… oh, God… should have…' He gasped, leaving the sentence unfinished as he fought for breath.

Logan recognised the symptoms. Blood loss meant that oxygen wasn't getting to Alec's muscles, but the need to breathe faster was counter-acted by his bruised and cracked ribs. Alec's anger, and his efforts to talk, had sped up his breathing and aggravated his windpipe, sending him into a fit of coughing which developed quickly towards hyperventilation.

Max was at the doorway in seconds as Alec's gasps increased in volume. She pushed Logan aside without a glance and bent over Alec, seizing his wrists and capturing his eyes in a hard stare, their faces inches apart.

'Calm down… please, you need to… Alec, _please._ I can't… Just stay with me. That's it. Slowly. Just breathe…'

She kept up a constant stream of pleas and reassurances, and eventually his shaky breathing slowed. She let her head fall in relief so that her forehead was pressed against his, her hair falling like a curtain across both their faces.

Through the tangled strands, Logan saw Max's hot tear fall onto Alec's cold cheek, and felt a pang of jealousy stronger than any he'd felt before. A world without Alec, he reflected, was not without its attractions. Would it be so bad to win Max simply because there was no competition?

Logan avoided Max's eye as he set up the transfusion which, hopefully, would save Alec's life. For an hour or more, he watched Max's miserable eyes, which were fixed on Alec's face as though she could keep him alive by staring at him, as though he would surreptitiously die as soon as she turned her back. Doubts and anger gnawed at Logan; the connection between the two X5s was so tangible it made him uncomfortable.

When he judged that Max had given enough to at least give Alec a chance, Logan approached decisively, but she stopped him with a glare. Joshua tried to make himself inconspicuous during the conversation that followed (not an easy feat for a seven foot dog-hybrid), embarrassed by their brief, bitter argument.

'What?' Max said sharply. 'He's no better yet.'

'If he's going to survive, he will, Max,' Logan told her gently. 'It's not worth risking yourself over.'

'It's not?' she demanded. She was exhausted, stressed and irritable, and her guilt made this a sore point. 'You don't think he'd risk himself for me?'

'I don't know, Max,' he replied, not wanting to aggravate her further. He looked sceptical, though.

'Is your _cure_ worth risking myself for, Logan? Worth risking him?'

'_Our_ cure… I thought you wanted this… I couldn't have known White would be there…' he argued, beginning to sound petulant.

'How hard did you check, Logan? You were so desperate to be able to touch me, were you _really _looking for traps?' she interrogated him. She knew it was too far but she was beyond caring.

'Let's not forget who wanted to take Alec. And then - correct me if I'm wrong – _left_ him behind-,' Logan snapped.

Joshua took him by the shoulder at that and steered him gently but firmly to the door, while Max wilted to her knees, covering her face with her hands.

'Thank you, Logan. Helped Alec. See you later,' Joshua told him shortly before shutting the door.

Logan stalked away, bristling. He'd done nothing but help, and yet he became the scapegoat for Max to throw blame at, because he wasn't a fully paid-up member of their exclusive little Freaks' club…

- - - - - - -

'Logan didn't mean to upset Max,' Joshua told her hesitantly, patting her awkwardly on the top of the head.

She nodded mutely, returning to her study of Alec's face. His skin looked less grey than it had earlier, and his breathing, though still scratchy, was slow and even.

A short while later, Joshua softly suggested that Max stop the transfusion, and this time, she complied without protest.

'Max rest. Joshua will watch Alec,' he promised.

'I want to stay close to him… in case…'

Joshua nodded, and disappeared, returning soon afterwards with an armful of blankets and pillows, which he arranged into a makeshift bed on the floor beside Alec.

'Thanks, big fella,' Max said, with a weak smile. 'What would we do without you?'

He blushed, and beamed at her. 'Max, Alec and Joshua family. Belong to each other,' he said, and once again she was struck by the truth and wisdom in his words. They were a family, albeit an extremely dysfunctional one. They shared something which Logan, for all his efforts and his noble motives, would never understand.

- - - - - - -

Max watched Logan's face turn from confusion to disbelief, and then to anger. 'For him? Of _all_ people, Max… What does he have that I don't? You need a man with cat DNA, all of a sudden?'

All she could say was, 'I'm sorry,' and even that seemed to stick in her throat. He was already striding away, fury evident in every twitch of his limbs.

She turned around, and there was Alec, lounging in the doorway. He shrugged. 'What were you expecting?' he asked her, quirking an eyebrow. She nodded. She'd known it would be hard, but she hadn't expected him to be so… _angry._

'Listen, Alec…' she began, embarking on the second difficult conversation of the day.

He stopped her with a smile. 'I know,' he said simply.

'You do?' Her face broke into a slow, radiant smile.

Then a movement flickered behind Alec, and before she could move, before she could shout a warning, arms had caught him from behind in a bear hug, and there was a knife, digging into him below the ribs and pushing up. Alec stared at her silently, open-mouthed. He just looked surprised.

The attacker grunted, pushing the knife further into Alec's chest. Blood spurted unexpectedly out of his mouth. Suddenly, she could see Logan's bright, notorious eyes staring at her over Alec's shoulder, wearing a look of vindictive satisfaction which she had seen once before.

With one last twist, Logan released his victim, and Alec collapsed forwards to lie still at Max's feet. Logan shrugged carelessly at her. Helplessly, she looked down at her hands, and saw that they were covered in blood; blood which wasn't her own…

A disembodied voice broke her concentration, and she blinked, coming back to the quiet of Joshua's living room, broken only by the dog-man's soft, contented snoring. And that voice…

'Max? _Max-.'_

She sat up so quickly it made the room spin, and looked around for the source of the voice.

Alec was lying on his side, hazel-green eyes wide open, staring at her. She gasped in relief at the sight of him, her heart stamping out a drum solo on the inside of her ribcage.

'What?' she said, self-consciously.

'You were moaning in your sleep. Nightmare?'

'Ah… yeah. I guess so.' She shifted, looking him up and down critically. 'How're you feeling?'

'Better. Thanks for that… Josh told me about the transfusion.'

'You're welcome. I had plenty of blood to share, but you'd left yours decorating half of Seattle.'

'Place needed brightening up. So, what were you dreaming about?'

'I… it doesn't matter.'

'I had some pretty weird dreams… guess it was the blood loss. You remember that movie where people were wearing masks which made them look like other people? I dreamed that Sketch and OC turned into White and Lydecker… Chased me all the way back to Manticore. Except, when I got there,it looked more like Jam Pony. And there was a penguin, at one point. Not sure how the penguin fits into the story, though.'

She laughed, despite herself. 'Something's screwed in your subconscious, pretty boy.'

'I could have told you that. So, what did you dream?'

'I… told Logan something he really didn't want to hear… and he was really angry. _Really_ angry. And then…' She met his eyes uncertainly. 'He killed you. Right in front of me.'

He was silent for a moment, watching her with surprise in his eyes. 'So… you upset Logan… and he killed _me?_' he repeated.

'Mmhmm,' Max confirmed.

'That's so unfair.'

Max laughed, tears springing unbidden to her eyes. She felt better, without knowing why: Alec's idle comment seemed to cancel out the lingering horror of the dream.

'I can so take Logan,' he added, quietly, teasingly arrogant. 'Even with his whacked robo-legs contraption.'

'He sneaked up on you,' she told him. Somehow, it seemed laughable now, that she had dreamed such a thing.

'Nobody can sneak up on me. Max, I'm offended that your subconscious has such a low opinion of me. _Murdered _by _Logan._ I'd be so embarrassed.'

'You're an idiot. Anyway, at least there were no penguins in mine.'

'Do you think dreaming of penguins reveals something profound about my personality?'

'Probably that you like fish… and are good at swimming,' she told him.

'I _hate_ fish.'

'Me, too,' she admitted, rolling onto her back and gazing absently at the ceiling. 'Logan made me some fancy meal with prawns once… I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I ate the whole lot. It was horrible.'

Alec laughed, then bit his lip. Turning his head, he caught her eye, and laughed again. 'Poor Max, suffering in the name of love.'

She nodded, making puppy eyes at him. 'Poor me,' she agreed. There was a pause. 'Alec?' she said quietly.

'If you apologise one more time I'll throttle you, Max. I know why you left me, you didn't know I was in trouble, and I don't hold it against you. Anyway, I'm fine.'

'Not that. I… The thing I told Logan, in the dream. Was that… I don't think it's going to work out between us. Whatever it was that we had… it's not there anymore.'

Alec watched her carefully, his bright eyes suddenly serious. 'I can see why he was upset…' he offered weakly. He was obviously waiting for her to go on. _Why are you telling me this, Max?_

'The thing is… I think…' She looked at him, pleading with her eyes. 'You're going to make me say this, aren't you?' His face was blank, his eyes wide and innocent. 'You bastard.'

There was mischief in his eyes now; she could see it gleaming in the dim light. His lips curved into a grin.

'I hate you,' she told him petulantly.

'No, you don't,' he replied confidently.

'No,' she agreed. 'I don't.'

There was a short, charged silence. 'I really thought I'd lost you for a moment there… I was surprised by how much it hurt.' She was studying the ceiling again, but she could feel his eyes on her.

'I thought so, too. But I had something to hold on for. Someone.' His voice was hoarse, and she realised that, for all his motor-mouth tendencies, Alec rarely spoke honestly about himself.

'I'm glad you did. Really glad.'

She summoned up the courage to meet his eyes, and they shared a long look. By the end of it, Max felt that they understood each other perfectly.

She grinned at him then, mirroring his impish smirk back at him. 'Good night, Alec,' she said softly. She rolled over and huddled deeper into the makeshift bed Joshua had set up for her. She felt an unfamiliar warmth welling in her chest. If she had to put a name to it, she would have called it happiness.

Alec watched her fall asleep. The pain in his stomach, which had faded to a dull throb, seemed numbed by the force of Max's confession. He smiled to himself in the darkness.

Before he closed his eyes, Alec realised that Joshua's snoring had ceased some time earlier. By squinting, his cat eyes revealed to him the dog-man's peaceful face, apparently sleeping, across the room. Joshua's eyes were closed, but his lips were curved in a contented, secretive smile.

- - - - - -

_Thanks for reading! _

_circleofstars_

_x_


End file.
